Life Update

So just a quick life update. Things are pretty much the same. Still in Miami. Still without a job. I'm really enjoying cooking school. It's probably one of the best choices I've ever made in my life. However, I am getting a little tired of making soups and sauces. Important to know I'm sure. However, it's getting a little old at this point. Oh well. I'd rather be slightly bored than completely lost in an entire world of new stuff. :) Also, I've decided to open up my own french bakery along with my catering business when I get home. :) Yay me.

Survival Part 2 - Monsters you don't know, Alien Invasion and Mythical Creatures

Since my last part gained such popularity I thought I should continue and describe the next step in surviving a horror. This next part will be if you were to find yourself in a rather super-horror state of things. Such as, alien invasion, or finding yourself trapped/sucked into another world. The rules here are a little different from a zombie attack but some of the general principles are the same.

1) Never assume. We all know what that does. Mainly in this point though it makes you think that that cute doglike creature is just a friendly pet. In reality it's a brain sucking, flesh melting, monster. You wanna scratch its ears? Yeah sure, go for it. I'll be back here waiting. Once you get your face melted, you can come back and tell me I was right.

2) Keep your friends close, keep your weapons closer. Don't split up, there is strength in numbers. The more eyes watching out for you, the less likely you are to be surprised. As for your weapons, hold onto them! If your spaceship crashes, get your weapons first! Food second. If the aliens crash land, the first thing you should do is open up your basement 'rec room'* (*code for gun safe) and get prepared. If you get sucked into another world, make yourself a weapon. Fashion a spear, club, something.

3) Don't be too quick to trust. If they're smart enough to build a space ship and fly across the universe, they're smart enough to try and trick you and gain your confidence. Think about it folks.

4) Unless you really know what you're doing, avoid the politics. Once again, if they are smart enough to have their own society, they're going to have some kind of political system. This means that there will be competition. Unless you know 110% you can work this to your advantage. Don't side with people! I don't care how pathetic their plea is. Unless you know they're going to win, you're going to be fried!!

5) Diplomacy is overrated.

6) Once again, if you're lucky enough to hear the music for your horror, pay attention. Intense music = Bad things are going to happen.

7) Tin foil hats will not help you. Big guns will.

8) As noble as it would be to try and invade the enemy base after they've captured your friend, don't do it. They've most likely eaten/liquified him already.

9) This one kinda falls into the stick together thing, but you shouldn't try to be the daring solo artist. This usually doesn't end well. Unless of course you're the best looking person in the party and seem to have ridiculous good luck. Then you're probably okay. (the good looks and good luck will be further explained in a later part)

10) Don't wear red. And make sure everybody knows your name

I hope that these nine tips will help all of you next time you look up to the sky and realize that that shiny star is actually a flying spaceship hurtling down to destroy all man. While they may not match exactly for the whole 'waking up in another world' scenario, they do work pretty well. So keep these in mind and survival part 3 should be coming soon.

Survival - Part 1

It recently came to my attention that a certain area of the American education was being severely neglected. Since realizing this I have decided that it is my duty to educate my family and friends on one of the most vital topics of today's life. How to Survive Horror. Now do take note friends that this does not mean that it is an instructional guide on how to not be scared. This is to explain how one would survive if they were to suddenly find themselves in a horror movie, book, flick, etc.


Now in order to address this subject I had to divide it into seperate sections. The first section I would like to address will be the Zombie section. If Zombies were to take over the world, it is important to remember these eight tips.

1. Never leave any weapon behind. If you find any item that could be used as a weapon, be sure to pick it up and take it with you. That tennis racket might not seem like very much right now, but it would make a very effective bat when smacking off the head of a skeleton.
2. Avoid overly violent people. They tend to die rather quickly in the grand scheme of things. (this topic will be further addressed in my section, "How to Choose Your Hero")
3. Don't lose your head. This includes literally losing your head, and figuratively. Don't run screaming down the hall. If you hear a noise, don't completely spaz out and start shooting at something that is actually your best friend whom you were separated from.
   
4. Stick together. Take a look at the enemy strategy. They attack in groups. You should do the same. Splitting up rarely ends well.
5. Remember the weaknesses of your enemy. Zombies really don't like fire, acid, sharp objects. Keep this in mind. Don't try to fist fight with them, you'll most likely lose. Zombies are known for their strength but are also known for being incredibly stupid. (Apparently eating brains doesn't really help out with their own state of rotten gray matter.) So be clever in your combat.
   
6. Remember the old saying that blades don't need to be reloaded.
7. Also, just a rather general rule, if you can hear music in whatever horror moment you seem to be caught in, and the music seems to be getting more intense, stop whatever you're doing. Intense music usually means something is about to happen. So stop what you're doing and start to do the exact opposite.
   
8. Travel in day light and avoid dark alleys, hallways, closets, basements, creepy houses, woods, etc. as much as possible. Make the monsters come to you, not the other way around.

Well that's all I have for the moment. Tune in next time for Survival - Part 2 - Monsters You Don't Know: Aliens & Mythical Creatures.